12:40 p.m. - July 31, 2001
I'm...waitin' for my Gina
I feel better today. Yesterday was a tough day for me.
When I got back from lunch, I sat in my truck and watched the rain. And tears just started to fall. At first, I was crying because there's been so much change in my life over the past year - and change can be so scary. Then I started to think about all of the changes yet to come, and all of the scary steps I have yet to take, and I really started to cry.
Not that I am resistant to change, I'm not. Change is a good thing. It's just scary sometimes.
Clint tells me that all of this STUFF is good, because it is MOVEMENT. I find it personally frightening at times.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of failure.
I'm going to see Gina soon. Hopefully, this week...before I leave for Madonna on Thursday. Gina and I have exchanged some e-mails - I told her all about my Friday Fiasco, and lots of other things. I told her everything, in fact. Even stuff I've been holding back for MONTHS. I just left her a vmail, so hopefully our schedules will mesh. I need to talk things out...and I need some guidance.
I don't know what to call Gina. I usually just refer to her as "Gina" or "My Gina" because of her role in my life - it's multifaceted, and not easy to describe. Gina isn't a conventional therapist. Her degree is in Literature. But, paper means nothing to me. What matters is that she is compassionate, sympathetic, gentle, and one of the very few women in my life that I have TRULY connected with. Gina is a God-send. Gina has helped me change my life. She has helped me do so much and I am forever grateful.
I can't wait to see her again.
