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1:38 p.m. - Oct 29, 2001 I have found Heaven on earth. It exists in the arms of a friend. Let me tell you, this was the most freakishly wonderful & spontaneously satisfying weekend - on so many levels. My soul has been fed and I am no longer hungry. Allow me to start here, right here, where I am and expound a bit on why this weekend had such a profound effect on me. I have been drawn to Leigh since the first moment I met him almost three years ago. Something inside him attracted me. It was his light. Say what you will. But the truth is that my light has always been attracted to his light, and has been an undeniable truth for as long as I have first felt his energy. I will also admit to the truth that I have known him for lifetimes, regardless of the boundaries of time or logical truth. Our energy has brought us back to this place of knowing each other in this lifetime. It was only a matter of time. And oh how I have waited. Being the loyal married person that I was, I was alone with my fantasies of Leigh. I never confided this truth to him. I didn't have to. Both being Scorpios, we speak an intimate language to one another. A language that others simply do not hear. Its a Scorpio thing. The act of sharing space with him has been enough to satisfy my heart, and make me feel fulfilled. Yet, most every time that I found myself at the peak of self-fulfilled sexual explosion, it was his face, his lips, his voice that I found in my head - over and over again. When we shared space, it was so apparent that we were very much in each other's space and other things like time and other people just didn't exist. We couldn't be any closer, we couldn't talk any longer, we couldn't possibly share any more. The times that we shared space were always very sacred to me. When we have parted ways, I've always felt a twinge of sadness, a feeling that was similar to feeling like a part of you has left the building. Not empty, just less whole. And it was beyond sexual. It was much more than that. This was a connection on a cellular level, an extension of myself - as if a part of me was residing in a part of him. Being the fact that we met through my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and the fact that they have been friends for years, caused both of us to act out of respect for that relationship, ignoring (or setting aside) our own mutual feelings for one another. Yadda, yadda, yadda. I understand where Leigh stands on all of that - on a moral ground of not wanting to overstep any boundaries of being involved with someone's else's someone. Hence the reason I decided not to take any action towards crossing that line. I SO wanted to cross that bridge with him, but it would have to be his step to take. I couldn't stand to hear the word NO come across his lips for me. Friday night was the most perfect evening for romance. The universe smiled on us. Timing was ours. We were driving to a park to camp. We were about 45 minutes or so away. Leigh was driving. He said that he had some friends that lived off of that farm road, and pointed to a sign. He picked up the phone a called them. Yes, they were home...and yes, they would love to have us visit. Ray & Kate have some acreage near Krause Springs. We set up camp on their land, built a fire, and had drinks with them. This is perhaps the happiest, and grooviest couple I have ever met. A couple of old hippies. It was a very cold night. The sky was clear and bright and full of stars. I walked back to our camp, to put on another layer of clothing. As soon as I pulled my shirt down, Leigh walked around the corner. "Two seconds earlier and you would've seen some titty." He smiled at that and said something like, "Damn, so close!" He looked up at the wondrous night sky and pulled me closer to him. We held each other for a long time. He said, "Thank you. This is perfect." After our hug, my heart was pounding like a wild lioness after the hunt. I think I was even shaking. I still wasn't sure if he was just hugging me for the sake of hugging me or what. Leigh and I have always had very powerful hugs, so it wasn't anything different. So, I took a few steps backwards while we continued to talk. He reached out to me with an open hand, and motioned COME HITHER. I placed my hand in his and he again pulled me closer. He looked me in the eyes and kissed me. It was a slow, seductive, barely touching tongues kiss. It was quietly passionate and rocked my fucking soul. I only needed that one inkling. That one moment. That one committed step in my direction. It was all over. There would be no more bridled passion. No more secret glances. No more, "I only wish that I could..." Oh no. All that I needed was that one kiss. The kiss that made time melt away. I wrapped a leg around him, in a full body embrace. I pinned him up against the Trooper, I grabbed the back of his neck. I pulled him closer and closer to me. I fucked his mouth with mine. I tugged on his clothing. I gasped. My body ached for him. We crawled into the tent and got naked. No feelings of insecurity. No questions. No doubts. We attacked each other. We fucked like banshees ALL NIGHT LONG. We would fuck and then rest and then fuck some more. Stop for water and air, and then fuck some more. We slept in each other's arms. We awoke in each other's arms. We fucked some more. And then some more. Then we went back to sleep until 11AM, when Kate & Ray announced that they were cooking pancakes. We fucked some more and went to breakfast. We layed around most of the day, just enjoying the fantasticly delicious weather. We ate lunch on the water. We took a nice walk. The wole while, we held hands or arms or were connected to one another in some way or another. We stopped to kiss for the sake of kissing. We climbed up into Ray & Kate's treehouse, and just stared up at the big blue edible sky. There has never been a more perfect day. I tore off his clothes and sucked his cock. It was delicious, all mixed with the sweat and scent and taste of each other. I scratched the hell out of my ass on a nail. But, pain is relevent. Saturday night, Kate & Ray went to a party. We were going to join them, but we got distracted. We found ourselves, once again, naked in the tent, wrapped in each other's arms. After sunset, we wandered into the house and built a cozy fire. We snuggled up on the futon and listened to a local radio station that was playing the Blues. I love the Blues. Ray & Kate came home and we watched a movie together, eating Ray's famous spicy popcorn. Yum. Drifted off to sleep until Leigh took me by the hand and lead me to a bedroom. We slept in each other's arms and awoke very rested. We headed out of there around 8 or 9am Sunday morning. I charmed the old Ranger at Hamilton's Pool to let us into the park for free. I must've been glowing because he simply smiled and let us go right in. Good juju. We spent the day together. I met some of his friends. We traded sweaters and I took a lock of his hair (along with the wing of a Dragon Fly which I found hiking) and placed both in my juju bag. None of this was weird to him. I love that about Leigh. He understands, at the very root, where I am. He needs no explanations. We said goodbye and I wished him a happy birthday (today's his bday)... I drove away into the sunset with a sad but glorious smile on my face. I will never be the same.
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