1:36 p.m. - Mar. 04, 2002
This vs. That
Let the triple dosing begin � looks like I�m gonna need to make another run to Central Market, for a JUMBO size Rescue Remedy.
Work is stressful, sure. It comes in waves. I go through periods of absolutely hating my job and all that it stands for. I hate to watch the politics. I hate PHONY- man, I really do. I don�t play the game. I am so not Ms. Corporate America. Sometimes I think that�s why I am in this position � because it is so not who I am, deep down. Damn, not even THAT deep down, even on the surface. THIS is not who I am.
Do I wake up every morning, aching for another corporate adventure? Do I stay up at night, plotting my next big move, up the corporate ladder?
Fuck no.
A part of me still really feels like I am HERE, doing this job, because I have something that I need to be doing � serving some greater purpose � and I am not talking some bullshit corporate agenda. Maybe this world needs more hippies in the corporate world. Maybe we need less corporate world. Dear gawd, I am a freakin Corporate Planning Manager, in Corporate Sales, working in Corporate America, for a BIG Corporation. What the hell am I doing? This isn�t me. This so doesn�t serve my life purpose. So � why am I doing this? What am I doing? Am I moving any closer to fulfilling my life�s work?
Fuck no.
Well, actually, in a way I am one page closer. Realizing that THIS is not my life�s work, realizing that I KNOW that I am preventing myself from accomplishing my life�s work by doing THIS and not THAT � well, that�s one step in the general direction of where I need to be headed. Right?
This comes at an interesting time. Life is interesting like that.
I have been toying with the idea (for some time now) of going back to Res. Of demoting myself from Manager, to Agent. A wise woman (ok, I�ll call her Mom) Mom always told me, when faced with a decision to make, write out a �Ben Franklin� � a list of all the pros, and a list of all the cons. So, maybe that�s what I should do.
Ok.
Cons of going back to Res:
� Commuting � having to drive out North, to go to work every day
� Not being able to run home for lunch
� Not being able to go and come when I want
� Not being able to take lunch hours
� Not having the SA1 boarding priority
� Losing the prestige of working in National Corporate Sales, as a Manager, with direct reports
� Going from �gatekeeper� to �just another agent on the phones�
� Having to take phone call after phone call
� Not being able to make or take personal phone calls (or play on the computer) whenever I want
� No more Regatta (also a pro)
Pros of going back to Res:
� Working my shift and being done with it � not having to bring any of it home with me
� High seniority � being able to have the pick of shifts, days off, and holiday schedules
� Having flexibility of trading my shift away or picking up extra shifts
� Not having to play any freakin political games or make up excuses as to why I am not attending this or that politically correct work function
� Not having to wear business attire
� Not having to deal with Monisa - or Skip
� Having time & mental energy to devote to the things that really make my heart sing
� Anonymity � to not be known as �MC2� or �Sue�s daughter� or the �RPM of Corporate Sales�
� Not having to coordinate another Corporate Advisory Board, Regatta, or freakin Hong Kong fam
� Not having to deal with all of the �fires�
Hmmm � Some of the things that are pros are also cons. I wouldn�t mind working on the Rate Desk again. Loved that fucking job. Really, really did. But first, it would prolly have to be back to General Sales again. Shit, I�ve done it before. It wasn�t so bad.
But, for now, I�m going to stop writing this. I didn�t take the salt bath that I promised myself. And I really shouldn�t be stressing myself out, right before crawling into bed.
For now, tomorrow will be another day in the life of a not-so-corporate girl in a very corporate world. It�s not that bad.
