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5:07 p.m. - May. 28, 2002
Amazing ONE
(Letter to Carl)

My love,

It was all in my head...it was all my ego talking...

Eltin called and we had a fantastic evening together on Thursday night. We dined at the most romantic place in Houston - and we had the entire place to ourselves! The owner had candles placed all over the room...and prepared an exquisite meal, just for us. It was a very special time. We dined for almost 4 hours and had very engaging conversation. At the end of this meal, Eltin asked if he could come over and spend the night. My heart soared. I love to fall asleep in his arms...and I can think of no other way that I would rather wake up. Needless to say, we only got a few hours of sleep Thursday night :)

On Friday, he invited me to his place for the evening. It was the first time that I had spent the night over at his place. Our evening started with meditation - his idea. We laid next to each other on the floor, opposite to one another by way of my head being at his feet and his at mine. Our arms barely touched, so that we could be together when we traveled. It was amazing!!! I was able to, very quickly and easily, get to that "nothingness" place. Ahhhh...

We danced and talked and he played a lovely little diddy on the piano for me. The amazing thing was that it felt as if he were playing a song directly from my heart. Simple words cannot express fully...or contain all that I felt that night. I looked into his eyes and everthing else in the world slipped away. There was a blackness of nothingness that we shared and it was beyone extraordinary. I WAS him and he became me. I could hear the words behind his eyes. With his entire soul he told me that he loves me. But words were never spoken... For six glorious, magical hours, we changed the world.

I was supposed to fly to Milwaukee early on Saturday morning. REALLY early. Before we finally drifted off to sleep around 3:30am, I asked Eltin to set his alarm clock for 4:45am. But, when the alarm went off, I could not "unplug" from him. I was wide awake when I made the conscious decision that I was not going. I jostled him awake..."Eltin, Eltin, make it stop." And he did. He leaned over and turned off the alarm clock. I curled up in his arms again and drifted back off into a wonderful sleep. In my dreams, I heard him say (and rather loudly too!) that he loves me. It was as if he were screaming it to the world. We woke up and drifted back off to sleep several times, for several hours. It was an incredible, mind-altering, once-in-a-lifetime experience...and we've agreed to make it a more-than-once-in-a-lifetime experience.

I think we finally got out of bed at 2 on Saturday afternoon. Had "breakfast" together at Cafe Brasil. We were still very much connected. I was still tapped into his heart. I could hear him speaking without words. Then he said, "I want to take you to a place that is very simple, but very beautiful." And, without hesitation, I answered, "You want to take me to Rothko Chapel." His eyes lit up and I discovered that I was right. I think he asked me, "How do you do that?" And I replied, "I don't know..."

We went to the Chapel and I meditated. We went to the museum and I fell in love with Max Ernst all over again. Then we decided to unplug from one another for a few hours and went our seprate ways. I went home and showered. Upon walking from the bath, I could smell him...I could feel him, all around me. We were still connected, somehow still together.

I have never experienced anything like this before.

Life is beautiful.

My heart is overflowing. The more love I have, the more love that I have to give away. And I will give it all away. I know that it will all be replenished, replaced... Love is the way, the only way.

I love you Carl. You are so very beautiful. Thank you for being.

 

 

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