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5:35 p.m. - Jul. 31, 2002
Beautiful Pain
So I met �this guy� back in the beginning of May (3 months ago). At first, I thought, �He looks SO normal�too conservative�we�ll never have anything in common and I will only end up offending him or him boring the shit out of me.�

Ok, so I made some assumptions about him, based on what I thought in my heart to be truths about the �type� of person that I thought he was�an Irish Catholic, Virgo, Engineer.

Hmmm�

On �paper� I would have to say, �No thanks. Next.�

But, my t-shirt in life reads, �I take chances.� What did I have to lose? Talk with the guy; maybe have a good time�what is the worse thing that could happen? Had I only known how much my heart & soul was going to grow from taking that chance�

No matter how hard I tried, I could not and do not see that he fits any of the stereotypes I had in my mind of what an Irish Catholic Virgo Engineer SHOULD be. He could not be shoved into any little box and neatly labeled for mass consumption.

This Irish Catholic Virgo Engineer has shaken me out of my tree�back onto even ground, beside him. This Irish Catholic Virgo Engineer has helped ME to re-shape the freakin logical part of MY brain�back into the mush that I am always striving for � the mush of freedom from mass-produced thought and action.

�I feel emphatic about not being static and not buying philosophies that are sold to me.�

�And I know�what I�m looking for�cannot be sold to me�I wish they all would stop trying��cuz what I want and what I need is and will always be free.�

�Resist and multiply.�

So here I�ve thought all along that I was NOT one of THOSE people � the people that limit themselves and others by placing convenient labels on them. I strive to break those chains. I live to question everything that is assumed. But wow, life is a beautiful lesson in humility.

Try this: When you think that you�ve got it all figured out � consider that everything you ever thought was right was really wrong.

I am so glad that I took the chance and the time to get to know him.

After knowing him about a month, I was surprised (shocked!?) to hear my soul telling me how much that it loved him - his soft, beautiful silence � the way that he doesn�t �just� do something, he really DOES something (I refer to him as my man of ceremony). I love the way that he does not �just exist� but the way that he is really living. Oh, how he makes my soul ache with such an exquisite pain.

 

 

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