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3:59 p.m. - Dec. 12, 2002 I'm getting a new car this weekend too. This is actually gonna save me a chunk of change, between the reduction in fuel this vehicle is expected to consume...and the lower insurance rates...and the reduced monthly car payments. Hallelujah to that! I'm getting a slightly used 2002 VW Beetle. Yee haw. Been wanting one since they first came out. I can hardly wait. And...and...and...more good news! I've been saying since the beginning of this damn cold and ucky wet season that I am in desperate need of a Mexican holiday. My last hoorah was Puerta Vallarta last month - then the shit hit the fan and it's been non-stop hellacious madness since then. I've been joking all along that I just need ONE freakin day on a warm beach...just one day to thaw. And to relax. So.................yesterday we had a work function where there were several drawings for several prizes. And - guess what!? I WON a hotel package at a five star resort in Cabo...for four nights!!!!! Mexico, here I come!!! Yee haw. Changing the subject. Because I can...and that is the way that my brain is wired. Today I am a bit pissed. Pissed angry not pissed drunk. And I guess not 100% complete angry - more disappointed. Ok disappointment is an understatement. Fuck it - I'm pissed. Why? Eltin got home from Dublin on Monday. He didn't call me Monday at all. I wasn't even sure if he was home... I've been missing him something fierce so I rang him Monday to see if he was back (he had an open-ended ticket and I didn't hear from him the entire 3 wks he was away)....so, I rang him. He didn't answer his home or cell phone. When it went to v-mail, I didn't leave a message. I figured either 1. He wasn't home yet or 2. He was home and wasn't going to call me (just like last time) because he was exhausted (just like last time) although he promised to call me THIS TIME (unlike last time). But he didn't call and he didn't answer his phone. That was Monday night. I went to work Tuesday, as normal. Didn't see him online, didn't receive a phone call from him, didn't receive an e-mail from him...still wasn't sure if he was back yet. My heart told me he was back. After work Tuesday, I rang him again. On his cell phone. It was just a bit after 530PM. He answered. Casually. Whatever. And he asked if he could call me back. Ok. Whatever. I haven't seen or heard from you in 3 freakin weeks and now you're back and you didn't call me and I'm supposed to be your girlfriend...the one that you love and adore. Whatever. When he called back, he explained that he was still at work and that he was in his boss' office. Ok - but still he was home and he hadn't called me. I forgave him and decided to move forward because - afterall - I missed him and I wanted to see him and he kept saying how badly he wanted to see me - and could he treat me to dinner and hear about all the things I had been up to for the past 3 weeks. Ok. Givin him a break. Moving forward. Yes, dinner would be lovely. I made him wait. I took my time. I don't normally play games and I am not one to enjoy them...but I felt it was only fair. To keep things in perspective, ya know. So I let him wait. And we had a delightful dinner and evening together. Spent the evening at his place. Snuggled and kissed and hugged and talked and laughed - and had a great time together. Then last night I had a work function to attend, directly after work. I got home around 9PM. I called him. I am always the one that does the calling. By the way - I am not calling him tonight...I will not call him, I will not call him, I will not call him. Ok - so I called him last night and he was out w/ Mauro. They were having drinks together, catching up (Mauro leaves again - this time for Korea - and leaves tonight). So they were catching up, having some drinks and then they were headed to dinner. Eltin said he really, really, really wanted to see me. I told him to have a good time w/ Mauro and then give me a call so we could get together. Ok, agreed. Then about 3 hours magically passed. It was getting late. I have an all-day meeting and a presentation to give. I should get to bed. But I want to see him. Said he would come over to my place. Again - the three freakin hours that passed....so, I rang him AGAIN to see if we were still on. Ok - why couldn't he call me to tell me that he was running late - or he was having fun w/ Mauro - or he got busy....or whatever. Whatever. I called and he answered and there was a party in the background. Eltin said that Maura had dragged him from the bar to dinner and now they were back at a bar. Said he was having trouble shaking Mauro - that he wanted to end the evening w/ Mauro and that he wanted to spend time together and that he wanted to come over. Well ok - sounds like you have no fucking back bone to me honey. If you want to leave, then leave. Speak your fucking mind. Or stay and have fun w/ him. But do what you say that you're gonna do. Ok - so he's gonna TRY to wrap up w/ Mauro very shortly and come over very soon. Ok. I waited. I stayed awake, knowing full well that I had to get up and have a busy ass day today. I stayed up, waiting for him to come or call or fucking anything halfway respectful. Nothing. No fucking phone call. No fucking knock on the door. No fucking apology. No fucking nada. I went to bed. And couldn't sleep. Because I was pissed. And then I thought - what if...what if...what if he got into an accident? Then I got worried. So I still couldn't sleep. I drifted off around 2am, maybe later. Woke up groggy. No word. Still. No word. No e-mail, no call, no nada. I was stood up. I was let down. I will not allow anyone to treat me this way. I would rather be alone than be treated second-class or as an after-thought...or - worse - as an obligation. It is now 5PM. I'm leaving the office in the next 30 minutes. I am not answering my home phone tonight (I don't have caller ID). And - If I see him calling on my cell phone, I'm gonna let it roll to voicemail. Let him squirm. Let him think. Let him wonder. An apology is fully expected. I will not settle. I will not give in. I am not playing games. I will not call.
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