2:01 p.m. - Jan. 13, 2003
whirling vortex of emotions
Depression. Blue funk.
I have the blues.
I smile and I laugh and I carry on. I go on with my day, trying to focus on all of the things that I need to do. Like work. Or pay bills. Or eat.
And I'm struggling.
I don't know how to ask for help. Is it the moon? Hormones? Cosmic change? Eltin?
I just feel like having a good, old-fashioned cry.
Just because.
No drugs. More hugs. More words on the page, to help me get it all out.
I do not want to hold on to poisonous things. Things that will only make me or keep me sick.
I do not want to be sick.
I want to be myself. The talented, funny, energetic girl that I am used to BEING.
I miss her.
Deep inside. No one can see it. Can they? This depression. This blue funk.
Think happy thoughts. Happy, happy, joy, joy. Think only happy thoughts. Happy, happy, joy, joy. Think only happy thoughts. Think only of the pretty things.
