9:55 a.m. - Mar. 05, 2003
A Love Story
March 4, 2003
A Love Story
�Make a little universe inside of me, � she whispered, almost silently. For a moment, she questioned whether or not the words had actually crossed her lips. But the words were hers, or at least, they belonged to a part of her. A whisper in her dreams or a little voice somewhere inside her, she couldn�t quite be sure. But they were words that at least some part of her wanted to speak, so she spoke them. Or, had she? She wondered if he had heard them, too.
But he always heard her, even when he acted as if he didn�t have an answer. Especially when he didn�t offer an answer. She could always see the truth in his eyes, always see him thinking; words weren�t always necessary.
She accepted what he offered her.
Bravery? Stupidity? She had heard it all. Friends and do-gooders have all had something to say and dammit, they�ve said it, too. But it didn�t matter. To her, their love was brave, one without expectations or obligations. Na�ve? She thought, rather, this is the truest form of love. Love for the sake of love, without any agenda. How could anything so pure and good ever be bad? What then, should prevent her from wanting to�explore?
This is what this is, she thought. A great journey, an exploration. She had been to the edge, looked over the side, and considered jumping. Hell, she planned on jumping, before she changed her mind. It would be so much easier. But then, there was always that little voice that kept telling her to be patient and have faith. Faith. A funny word for a girl without religion.
Did you know that there is no definition of God, in the Devil�s dictionary? She laughs out loud, amused by little ironies. The universe has a sense of humor.
This music is going to haunt me forever, she thinks, and I can�t make it stop. I don�t want to make it stop. Beautiful, soulful, sincere, listening to the same thing, over and over again. This music squashes the gap, she thinks, melts away the ocean now between them.
So many mornings, waking up to this music playing softly. He would place the speaker at the foot of the bed, just inside the door, to play this beautiful music, to wake them, gently. Hours and days spent in that cocoon. Memories and moments like this give her faith. So many wonderful moments.
Baby we�re already saved
We can never be apart
�There are no guarantees,� she confirms back to the image staring back at her in the mirror, �No guarantees.� The only guarantee in life is that it will change. Always and forever changing, like the tide.
She often �speaks� to him when she�s alone, connecting to him through his music or when she writes.
Oceans can�t divide us. You are with me, even now. I feel you all around me, always. It is amazing; all the little things that just don�t seem so little now. And it amazes me to discover so many �little things� that remind me of you, every day, in so many ways. I am so blessed. (If I had the opportunity, I would write this to you in a tiny love note and I would leave it for you in the morning, while making coffee, while you rush to shower, already late for work�)
And it would be signed�
I love you. Deeply.
So without expectations or obligations, without an agenda, and knowing that there are no guarantees, there is still love. There is great love. And where there is great love, there is great life. And that is all that matters.
Ordinary life comes easy.
