1:31 p.m. - Apr. 24, 2003
Sighting # 4
Yesterday, when I was on my way home from work, I had a feeling that I was going to see John Smith. I ran home, showered, wore my hair down (rare for me), grabbed my notebook & a pen and went to the OC. I sat with Paul, immediately engrossed in a conversation with him and his friends. After a few minutes, I looked around - and, sure enough, there was Johns Smith, sitting with blueprints in front of him, across the table from a colleague / friend.
I waited a few minutes, drinking my glass of red wine, eager to say hello. I walked past him a couple of times, seeing if he would look up, notice me, say hello. Then, after my 2nd pass, I walked over to his table and said hello. Asked him what he was up to. He handed me a book of timber homes. I sat down and studied it. Asked me if I liked it. I said that I did. He was surprised - he didn't like those homes, with all of their beams. Asked me what I liked about it - told him I like the natural feel of the exposed beams, loved the rock walls. Would make a great country home. Asked them if they were working, they said yes. I stood to go, and excused myself, "I'll let you guys talk." And then I caught John stealing a sideways glance at me, sneaky like, with his head down - he didn't turn his head - I just caught him sneaking a little glance at me, as I stood to go.
He and his colleague / friend didn't stay too much longer. About a half hour longer. I kept thinking that his colleague would perhaps leave and perhaps I would have an opportunity to speak with John, alone.
I had promised myself that - if I saw John Smith today (yesterday) - that I would talk with him...and find the courage to invite him to do something, anything, at any time with me. But he wasn't alone. I don't want to ask him out, in front of other people.
I saw them both stand and walk to the bar, with their things. They were closing out their tabs. This may be my only opportunity to SPEAK to him, so I gathered myself...and walked over...and stood next to him. Asked what he was up to - said they were going to check out this new building on Heights Blvd. - I don't know, maybe I said something like have a nice time or enjoy yourselves or maybe I said mumble, mumble. No, I didn't mumble. Extended my hand to John (we seem to always shake hands when we part ways). He looked down at my hand, as if I were offering him something tangible (my phone number? A small note?) Oh that would've been good. But no, it was just my hand, reaching out to say goodbye to him. He took it, he shook it, he looked me in the eyes, smiled, and bid me a good night. Shook his friend's hand, too. They left. Damn.
Am I getting closer? Am I getting closer?
I felt him looking at me - sneaking a glance at me. And suddenly, I am fifteen years old again - all full of silly thoughts of what if, if only, what if, if only...
Damn.
And the inevitable question...was sighting # 4 followed by dream # 4?
I am not sure. But I think so. Reason I say this is that I woke up this morning, feeling as though I had spent the evening - spent my sleep - in his arms, the whole night through. I hit the snooze button for an hour, snuggling, eyes shut tight, savoring that wonderful moment.
