5:32 p.m. - Aug. 18, 2004
Flux, flux, flux
I'm in flux with the flux flux flux...I'm in flux with the flux flux flux...everyone, transcend...I'm thinking of youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...love energy is giving oxygen. (Does anyone recognize this bastardized version of an old B-52's song?)
What!????
(Ok, so you'd have to hear the song playing inside my cranium, set to this music, for it to make any sense) but, allow me to continue...
For T.I.T.K. (those in the know), I have been back to see Gina. Ok, none of you knows. Ok, two of you know. Now all of you knows. But the T.I.T.K. then only applies to the knowledge and significance of what it means to "see Gina."
What!????
Flux, flux, flux...giggle, giggle, giggle.
My first session, in over two years, with Gina. And she tells everyone hello. And she looks as good, and as healthy and as happy as ever.
Now all I want to eat is creamy, dreamy, sexy foods...and all I see is the color white...and all around me I hear the universe sofly singing that age-old adage of "good things come to those who wait" followed by lyrics of Simon & Garfunkel's, of "slow down, you move too fast. Ya gotta make the moment last, just trippin' down the cobblestone...looking for fun and feelin' groovy. Da da da da da da feelin' groovy."
It is 4:18PM on the 18th of the 8th month in the year of our lord, 2004 ~ and do you know what that means? It means absolutely NOTHING...nothing...and THAT, my dear friends, is yet another interesting discovery...an epiphany, dare I say...of a strange little anomly that is no more.
What!???
Flux, flux, flux. Gigle, giggle, giggle. Feed me some yogurt, yogurt for my tummy, happy tummy.
For years now, you have all been victims of my never-ending babble of repeating and pointing out random numbers and random sequences of numbers and random patterns of numbers, all making themselves known to me. I think I have been successful in freaking out all (or most) of you on several occassions with this. Yes?
Well, I noticed...early on in this year...that these patterns were not as evident to me. The occurrences became fewer and fewer. So I thought about this. First of all, why did these numerical sequences and coincidences appear so regularly to me? When did this begin? When did it start to slow to an almost nonexistent level? What could be the reason for these THINGS to make themselves known to me alot less this year, over all other years? What has changed? What were the numbers related to?
Hmmm...well, the numbers were usually related to time, for me. And what language does time speak? It speaks with numbers, mostly. Fuck my faulty logic, didn't take that class in college. But, stay with me here. If numbers speak the language of time and this language was spoken to me in such a loud voice for so many years, what was I suppose to hear? And why am I not hearing that message any longer?
Well now ~ THIS is the perfect time to consider such things, in this time of flux, this optimal state for PROCESSING.
So, in my state of flux, in this heightened state of awareness, I have come to a conclusion.
Numbers spoke the language of time for me, begging me to listen until I heard. Now that I've heard, the voice has quieted and the numbers no longer scream at me every day. So then, what the hell was I suposed to hear that I have FINALLY heard that I no longer need to hear any longer?
Patience. Time. Due process. Patience for the time to pass to allow due process of all of the THINGS that I have been needing to do and see and speak. Big change takes time. The butterfly does not emerge from its cocoon until it spends the necessary time re-building its little once-caterpillar body into the new manifestation of graceful beauty that blesses our gardens with its sweet flight.
What!????
Although I have FELT ready to accept into my life all of the blessings that await me, I have not REALLY been ready. I needed to feel, to falter, to squirm. I needed to fall down and meet the darkness. I needed to feel all of THAT, both good and bad. This is my path.
It is time, it is time, it is time. I no longer feel the need to hear or to see these numbers, telling me that "it is time" becuase I now know that it is, in fact, time.
So, goodbye yesterday. Hello, beautiful today.
