2:44 p.m. - Aug. 10, 2006
Redemptiom
This hs become the journal I rarely write in. But it also remains the longest running journal I've ever kept. This is the one I don't share with anyone that I know.
It is amazing how much my life has changed since 2001, when I first started writing in this journal.
It was a girl in my Bikram Yoga class that turned me on to this journal. Wow, that seems like ages ago. It was the beginning of the end of a terrible marriage that lasted hardly two years. I was an immature 31 year old back then and I knew nothing of myself. I began a long journey of self-discovery that lead me away from a lifetime of resentment and hurt to a life now of happiness, contentment and fulfillment.
I divorced my angry, ignorant, narrow-minded neanderthal of a husband and thought that I would never marry again. I made some incredible friends that helped me to see how beautiful I was. I had a few wild years of partying and playing the field, but it helped me to feel independant and strong. I have no regrets for those years. Even when I met Eltin and had that year and a half "affair" where I was the "other woman," I realize it was all apart of the path.
So much has changed.
Everything has changed.
I have found some sort of redemption in my new life. I no longer question whether I am a good mother or not. I wasn't but I am now. I am a great mother.
Ian and I are now about to celebrate our 1-year wedding anniversary. And our son just turned 4 months old. We left Houston, my hometown. We both quit our jobs. He get a much better paying job here in Florida, on the Space Coast. We live very near the Kennedy Space Center. I quite my job for the best job in the world ~ stay at home mom.
My days consist of caring for our incredible, beautiful son. We have a happy marriage and a true partnership. We laugh so much together and have a blast.
Who could have known what was in store for us that night we met at the Onion Creek? We were both in the same place in life, both having just come out of long-term-ish relationships that were unhealthy for us. We both were done with the partying and running around. We both were ready to setle down and find a serious partner.
Now we live in a gorgeous home together that we both love. Ian is a great cook. I enjoy baking and keeping the house up. I sound like a boring suburban housewife, but I am so happy. Our life is rich and full.
I do miss Houston and my friends. I am, however, happy to be free of most of the drama & chaos that surrounds my family. This move away from them, when I was 6 months pregnant, was an excellent move. It has helped Ian, Henry & I to establish ourselves as a family unit devoid of outside influences and interruptions. Yes, it would be nice if we did have some friends out here to hang with. Yes, it would be nice if we had someone that we trusted enough to babysit for us occasionally. But, all in all, where we are right now is perfect for where we are right now in life.
Henry is taking an afternoon nap. I hope he sleeps for awhile as he only had an hour nap this morning, in my arms. He is tired and is still a bit sore from the imunizations he had on Monday. His poor little thighs hurt. Tonight we are going to dinner with Ian's boss & his wife. They are in town from the DC area. A little Florida seafood will be good.
We do have one friend that moved here from Houston ~ Jeff. He and Ian have been close friends for many years and worked together at the same company before both leaving there to work here, for their biggest competitor. Jeff is a fun guy to have here, although he is not much of a baby person. He is not a baby person at all, as a matter of fact. But together they are trying to convince another colleague & friend to leave Houston and come work out here ~ Claudia. We had dinner with her last night. I really like her. Her son is about to turn 11 this weekend. If they move out here, she has already offered to babysit. I can tell that she would be more than trustworthy. Besides, it would just be great to have her out here...another friend to hang out with.
It is just after 3pm. I hope Ian comes home early for work tonight. Said he might, depending on how his meetings go today. He has to travel next week and I am not looking forward to his departure. I miss him when he travels. Also, that means I will be here alone, around the clock, with Henry. It is always nice when Ian gets home from work. He gives me a bit of a break. He makes dinner. He puts Henry to bed. Besides, I just miss him when he travels. We have so much fun together.
Okay. I hear Henry waking up. Gotta go!
