1:39 p.m. - Sep 23, 2001
Change
Change. So much change. Fuck, if I had only known, I think I would've run & hid under a big rock. Change can be so scary. Especially the changes we have no control over.
Three months ago, I was feeling like everything was just falling into place. Rolling along. I didn't have any particular struggles, per say. Things were actually kinda boring and uneventful. But something in my heart was stirring. I felt a little voice telling me that everything was about to change. Strange. It was very much like the calm before the storm. But, I didn't see ALL of THIS coming - only that things were going to really, really start to change.
Two months ago, on a day similar to today, with all of the rain, I sat in my car and just cried. I was overcome with emotion. Overcome with the feeling that everything in my life was getting ready to change, right before my eyes.
I had no idea.
Everything is different now. Everything. I am no longer married, with a beautiful little cottage in the Heights. I no longer wake up every morning and trek through the backyard, to feed all of the animals. I no longer call someone, to tell them that I am going to be late. Instead, I have a few personal possessions in a one-room garage apartment, above my sister's home, temporarily. I am looking for a little place to call my own. I have my cat, Sprocket, who is my life-support system and I spend alot of time reading now. I no longer have the luxury of walking around the corner at work, to chat with Clint, to eat lunch with him 4 - 5 times a week. He is no longer employed by CO. He is now looking for a job. As are A LOT of my friends - some friends I have known for many, many years. Some friends that started with me at CO some 13 years ago. Life as we know it, here in America, is different. That is not such a horrible thing - at least, not completely. I feel that people have really come together - strangers, friends, and family alike.
Things are just different.
