1:45 p.m. - Oct. 03, 2002
Strange weekend, speckled with moments of divine beauty: Part 3
Strange weekend, speckled with moments of divine beauty...
Part 3.
Part 3.
I slept in bed with Eltin. The next morning, we snuggled. But we still hadn�t talked. I made coffee. Everyone sat outside on the patio, enjoying the beautiful weather. Eltin had no smiles for me and continued to be very distant. His cell phone rang. He answered it and walked off, for privacy. All I could think of was � it�s HER. It�s his girl calling from Milan. He walked down to the tennis courts, sat on the bench there, and carried on a 10 � 20 minute conversation. When he came back, he offered no explanation. I didn�t ask for one.
We piled into various cars, to head into Austin for breakfast and then directly to the festival. Still no word from Eltin. Was he taking his bike, was in going in someone�s car, were we riding together, did he care? Well, I guess he didn�t because he just walked off and (again) disappeared.
Ok.
So I motioned for Brian to jump in the backseat of Sasha�s car with me. Again, I couldn�t keep my damn hands off of him�and I told him so, apologizing.
I saw Sasha�s house book � the one that we have all written in since he moved into the castle. I explained to Brian the significance ~ and, to my delightful surprise, he asked me for a pen. He wrote sweet words and my heart soared. The torture continues�
I tore off a piece of paper from that same page and wrote him a tiny note, �You are so very beautiful. I want to stay in touch with you.� And I gave him my e-mail address. I watched as he carefully placed this tiny scrap of paper into his pocket. How delightful.
Went to breakfast. Sat next to Brian, across from Eltin. Weirdness in my heart. A deep sadness set in and I found a new silence touch my lips.
Eltin rode with Cass to the festival. I was in the car with Sasha, Blake and Brian. The festival was a mess. Huge lines of people everyone. Hot sunshine beating down on our skulls ~ no shade, no escape, no pity. We just wanted to get inside those golden gates.
We had been separated from the rest of the group. Cell phones only worked intermittently, depending on where you stood and which way the Patchouli blew in the wind. We found some shade and listened to some folk music. Beautiful voice ~ that unknown female singer�perfect music for a nap. Brian & I slept next to each other, facing one another. I just wanted to be in his space. Cell phones working, we were able to get hold of the rest of the group. We joined them in the sun just as they were leaving, to go check out another band. Eltin barely acknowledged me. I was beginning to just accept the fact that I was being dumped that weekend.
As we were all walking, Sasha saw a fire-dancer and pointed him out to me. Ah, I am a circus-freak at heart. We stopped to watch him for a bit. I saw Eltin turn back around and see us, but he didn�t wait. He kept walking and I lost him again.
Brian and I stayed together all day � regardless of anyone else that came or went with us. I felt guilty because all I could think about, as the sun went down, was finding a dark corner where I could lure him into a deep kiss.
But I didn�t.
I fought the good fight.
A band that we all wanted to see was about to begin their set. Soulive. We wandered over and beat the crowd. Found great seats, away from our group � because we really wanted to SIT and CHILL but still be able to see the performance.
Brian said he was a bit cold. I offered to create heat / energy with him, if he wanted to meditate again. We did. Just another excuse to touch him, really. We sat, easy pose, facing one another, legs and hands and arms touching. We meditated until the music began. At this point, I completely expected him to conclude his meditation, so that he could watch the show. But he didn�t. We stayed there, together, with eyes closed and body parts touching � and we hand-danced. For the entire set. It was freakin beautiful. We explored each other with our hands and with the energy that was building inside. It did not matter where we were or who might see us or what the world might think. It was a sweet exploration ~ a softly whispered passion.
And then someone (a complete stranger) took a picture of us. I opened my eyes and smiled. How beautiful, someone drawn to us � to wanting to take a picture of the beautiful moment that we were creating & sharing, together.
When the music ended, Brian pulled me close to him in an embrace (a hug). But, he also pulled me down on top of him. Did he mean to do this ~ or did my body just naturally follow his when he leaned back? I do not know. Again, inner turmoil. My body wanted to stay there, on top of him ~ wanting to kiss him, wanting to stay there, in his circle, basking in his sweet energy.
But I fought the good fight.
I (painfully) weaseled my way off of him. We stood and joined our group again.
