3:37 p.m. - Dec. 10, 2002
Elfin Majick
I am determined to write in this journal today. Anything. Something. Nothing. Just to place my mark...saying HEY, I am alive...I am here...I do exist...I have not fallen off of the face of the earth.
As I have written sporadically lately - work is just about killing me. Lots of long, stressful days. I had to fire somebody last week. And I really like the guy. He has had a tough life and lots of tough battles...and I really wanted to see him succeed. But this was out of my hands. He fucked up and I just couldn't save him from this one. So I had to fire him and break his heart and wish him well and meet with some big wigs and show them that we will not be fucking up like this again. Ergh.
Enuf about all that.
Last week Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday were all pretty harried. So - to blow off steam...I decided to have a very small dinner party on Thursday night. It ended up being a dinner of "Giving Thanks" with all of my friends that were out of town over Thanksgiving. Craig, Clint, Sasha & Blake and Lisa all came over. I stir-fried chicken & veggies. It was wonderful yummy and fun to do. We drank four bottles of wine. And then I ushered everyone upstairs to show them what I have been working on over the last several weeks.
I do not know where it comes from...I only know that it comes. I have several pieces that I have created since just before Thanksgiving. Paper collage...some three-dimensional...all bright & colorful, wacky & one-of-a-kind. I've made pictures large and small. I've used recycled junk and trash and new things too. I've made greeting cards and holiday cards and small 4-page booklets, big & small origami envelopes, and decorated decoupage boxes...ah, the list just goes on and on. I've been working hard and long at work...and then coming home to vegetate, all quiet & alone with my cats. It's been really very therapeutic.
So - the dinner party on Thursday. Then at work on Friday, I had the day from hell. It was a bad one. I actually walked outside at one point to smoke a cigarette...and ended up crying. I just needed to vent and to release and to allow some of that poison to escape. Ahhh. Friday night, after work, I was invited to two different parties. I ended up blowing off both of them.
Instead - I hung out with Sasha & Blake at the castle. Best therapy ever, being with them. I am coming to love Blake the more that I am getting to know him. He and I have share a lot of similarities. But I can say that there is no one in this world that I look forward to seeing more than Sasha. He brings so much joy to my heart. I just love to be with him.
Comforting.
We hung out on Friday night, completely low key. We all bundled up in our sweats & comfy clothes, built a fire, played Scrabble and drank lots of wine.
I slept late on Saturday. How wonderful. I rolled out of bed, tied my hair back and went to breakfast. Hee hee hee I went to my favorite greasy spoon. Love it. I can walk in lookin like shit cuz it just DON'T MATTER. I always have a handful of quarters for the jukebox too yea. I like to play old country songs, smoke cigarettes and eat mass portions of REAL breakfast food. Mmm mmm mmm good! Oh - and by the way - this is the ONLY time that country music is good, in my book. When I need a flash back to my childhood. And it's only a mere few city blocks away...
I sat alone in my booth and waited for Blue Hair # 1 to ask me what I wanted for breakfast. I put my money in the jukebox, lit a cigarette and kicked my shoes off - ready to enjoy a beautiful start to a beautiful day. There was a young woman in the booth directly behind me. She yapped and yapped and yapped and yapped into her damn cell phone the entire freakin time. It was really getting on my nerves too. So I picked up my entire breakfast and moved. yes, I did. I simply could not take another freakin moment of her yapping. As I wandered off, I mumbled, "Five bucks. Five bucks to the person or persons that can make that girl stop her freakin yappin."
No takers.
I hung out at home on Saturday, not really doing much of anything - just hangin out...workin on some art projects and buying loads more pillows for my loft. It is not wall-to-wall pillows - all reds & purples. Looks like some kinds of harem. Where are my dancing girls? Sasha called and invited me to hang out with them again Saturday night and I accepted. I ended up making dinner for the three of us. Again. What is up with me? If you knew me, you would know that I DO NOT COOK.
But I've been cooking.
I made bad ass coconut chicken w/ curry. Wow. Yes I did! Without a recipe too. And it was gooooooooooood! Again, we played Scrabble and drank lots of wine.
Pattern forming here?
I woke up early (for me) on Sunday morning. I dressed as an Elf and went to the church to help Santa talk with the children and have pictures taken with them. It was fun!!! I even had my picture taken with Santa! If my scanner was working, I'd download that pic for all to see. Hmm - maybe next week...or the week after, or...??? Ok, you'll just have to imagine what I look like, dressed as an Elf (complete with glitter because LIFE IS ALL ABOUT GLITTER!). I was beaming HUGE in the picture. I just Love Santa.
So - Sunday I was an Elf til noon time. Then I ran home, scrubbed off all of the glitter (what a shame) and ran back out to have a birthday lunch with my family (my Uncle's early bday celebration). My Uncle lives in Atlanta and rarely visits. No matter. He doesn't seem to like children much. Which is why I was so pleased to see my sister WITH HER FOUR BOYS at this birthday lunch. Needless to say - when they placed the highchair next to him, he promptly moved it to the opposite end of the table, as far away from him as possible. Whatever.
I spent the rest of the day at home, up in the loft, working on paper collage art. Sasha & Blake invited me over but I opted out. I found myself engrossed in a project that I could not walk away from. Groovy shit. Stayed up way too late for a work night. But it was well worth it. Needed to express myself thru art. Needed to vent and to express.
Like I said - good therapy.
Yesterday, Monday, work was again fairly busy & stressful too. But I still left a bit early, around 5:15PM. Had my son's Christmas pageant. Helped the PTO set up decorations, make cookie trays, pineapple punch and coffee. I was the master of all things punch, let me tell you. Slinging little cups of punch like it was goin outta style. Got home around 9PM and again worked a bit on some art projects.
Today is not so bad at work. I actually went to lunch. Left the building. Went out. Clint & I went to our same old haunt. It's now almost 3PM. A couple hours more of work. Then I'm back up at the church tonight - but this time for a special event (of which I am not doing any work - just enjoying it). We're doing a Prayer for Peace. It's actually a Peace Rosary, as I understand it. There will be several different prayers for peace given, in all different languages, from all different religions. We're all coming togerther, as one, to pray for peace.
Can I just say that I am NOT a church person? I am not Christian. I do not practive religion. I find God in my heart and in my soul and I worship every day - but in my own way. Finding myself doing all of these CHURCH things is kinda freaky.
Actually REALLY freaky.
But I am keeping an open mind.
Speaking of...
Eltin has been in Dublin since the day before Thanksgiving. He had an open-ended return ticket here because he wasn't sure how long it was going to take, to get all of his official paperwork done, etc. He was returning home to spend some time with his family and then to return here, by way of London, to collect his newly renewed US work Visa. When he left, he said that he may be home yesterday. But I haven't heard from him yet. Is he back yet? I don't know. Last time he returned, he didn't call me that same day. It took him almost 2 hours to get thru customs & immigration the last time. He was exhausted, as he told me, which is why he didn't call. He went directly home with the intention of taking a nap....but ended up sleeping through the night. Why do I ramble so? I guess because it has been on my mind. I hope that he is back in town. Or that he will be soon. And I will suffer a little death in my heart if he is here and hasn't called me. Ok? There, I said it - I admit it. I miss him something fucking fierce.
I've had my moments.
