12:42 p.m. - Apr. 23, 2003
John Smith: dream # 3
John Smith sighting...John Smith dream # 3.
Yes, I had yet another dream of John Smith last night. Not of him, but WITH him. This was our third "virtual" date. I have yet to find the WHATEVER IT IS that I need to find to be able to actually act on my feelings. I have yet to verbalize my interest to him. I have yet to ask him to join me in doing something ANYTHING. I find only a nervous laughter, a smile and yet another missed opportunity to take a fucking CHANCE and just SEE what could possibly happen.
I had another John Smith sighting this past Monday night. But first - I need to update this journal with sighting & dream # 2:
Sighting number two caused dream number two...and I am left with a beautiful blessing of having him with me when I sleep. In dreamtime, we are together. Perhaps we have been together many, many times. This is my truth:
Two weekends back, while I was doing my laundry at the laundry mat, I walked next door to the OC for a coffee. I left my laundry unattended for a little under 1 hour. When I went back for my clothes, they were gone. All of them. All of my socks, underwear, towels, bedding, work clothes - all of it, gone. I called the number that was posted on the wall and learned that the guy working there thought that my laundry was going to get stolen - so, when he left, he locked my clothes inside the office there, onsite. And then drove home. No, he didn't leave a note. I had plans to leave w/ Sean, to go hear some live music...and we were due to depart RIGHT THEN and RIGHT THERE. But, because of the laundry mishap, I was delayed, while I waited for someone to return to the laundry mat so I could collect my clothes. While I was waiting, I went back to the OC. Within five minutes, John drove up. My eyes got wide. Lisa laughed. "See! I told you that everything happens for a reason - you just need to chill!"
My laundry mishap ending up being a blessing in disguise. John didn't stay too long. He did sit with us, while he was there. And - he did visit long enough to ask me to show him how to spin my Poi. I gladly showed him. It was really very endearing, watching him spin...getting the strings all wrapped up, beating himself in the body...laughing all the while and trying so hard! Then - just like Cinderella - he was saying that he had to leave...and BOOM, he was outta there.
Even this briefest of encounters made my day - my whole day. Why and how is it that it makes me so happy to see him?
Ok so that evening, I had Johnn Smith Dream # 2...and it went like this:
I went to his home. The front door was open but the screen door was shut. He called to me from the kitchen, inviting me in. There was a teenage boy at the kitchen table, engrossed in something he was reading. I said hello and introduced myself. I walked through the kitchen, into the living room. John's daughter, Holly was there, on the floor, playing with her Barbies. I sat on the floor and we talked about her birthday party (it was the day before). She told me in detail how three (or four?) of her friends came over - how they sat on the front steps of the house and how they played hide-n-go-seek.
That was it. End of dream.
Ok - to present day now and John Smith sighting / Dream # 3:
Monday I was on my way home from work when my friend called ~ wanted to meet for a drink. Told him yes, that I would meet him at the OC and that I was on my way there, as we spoke. He wanted to go for a jog first, then shower, and could meet me up there in about an hour. Ok, I needed to go to the grocery store anyways - so I'll do that first and meet him up there later. When I was the next person in line to pay for my groceries, I looked around to see what there was to see, just passing time. As soon as I turned around though, there he was. John Smith and his daughter. I had never met his daughter and had only seen her once MANY months ago, before I met John, when they were riding bicycles together. I paid for my groceries and walked around the checkout line, to say hello. Dammit, I was going to say SOMETHING dammit anything I could say hello couldn't I? Please lips, work. Please mouth, work. Please don't say anything freakin stupid. Please don't let me choke. Look him in the eyes. Smile. Say anything.
He introduced me to his lovely daughter, Holly. Told her about my cats. Asked her to say hello to me. I shook her hand and curtsied (yes, I don't know why, but I freakin curtsied!) and we stood there for a minute or two, looking at each other's purchases. Told me that he had been really, really busy lately. I told him I was too - but that it beat the alternative...and besides, keeps ya outta trouble, right? He looked me in the eyes. He smiled. There were sparks. Was it all my imaginiation? Was it hopeful thinking? Do I need to just compose myself?
Shit, why didn't I invite him and Holly over, to see my kittens!? Maybe have dinner!? Hey, what are you guys up to? Want to go to the park? Something. Freaking anything. But instead, we just smiled and said our goodbyes, wishing each other a good night.
Damn.
John Smith sighting, missed opportunity...and dream #3:
This, as I wrote earlier, was our 3rd "virtual date." This time, we kissed. This time it was John that expressed his interest in me. Blessed dream, indeed. Last night I dreamt that John pulled up in his car, got out, walked around to the back seat, said hello to me and told me that he has my pads (for rollerskating). I guess I had left them at his place or something? He crawled into the back seat, to collect these items for me. There were knee pads, wrist pads, etc. - the whole she-bang. They had rolled under the seat and were all over his car. I crawled into the back seat, next to him, to help him. We found ourselves very close to one another, facing one another. He looked me in the eyes and told me that he was attracted to me. And then we kissed. It was a small peck of a kiss. Oh, no complaints - it was enough. It was SO enough for me. I wanted nothing more, I wanted nothing less. I think I would've had a damn heart attack, had there been anything more. I don't know. But it was glorious...
Ah.
Am I destined to only dream of the things that I want?
